Lif3 is full of bLu3s

Blog dead

2007-01-10T00:21:00.000+10:30

Hi guys,

Just letting everyone know that I will no longer be blogging on this site. I will be switching to the blog space provided by MSN messenger which is convinient for both myself and everyone else who are interested. Each time I post a blog in that space it will be automatically updates anyone who is in my MSN messenger friend list =). There you go, that's the link
http://bencyl.spaces.live.com/blog/

Anyways, Happy 2007. Good riddance 2006.

<3
Ben

Move forward, don't look back...

2006-12-05T00:57:00.000+10:30

I woke up from a nap today and I realised, I have been repeating mistakes over and over again this year. But no matter how bad things look like, it's always good to look at the positive side of things. As you can see, it is the last month of 2006. Any change or improvement this year for me? No. Setbacks? A lot.

Time is moving. Everyone is moving forward but me? I am still stuck. Not moving forward at all. Interesting enough a friend of mine said to me "There will be a time when everyone is too busy to listen to your problem because they have a future to deal with while you look back at your past" *something like that, I edited a little bit*. Actually, it is happening already. I can feel a certain distance between myself and my friends. I guess I will probably just die a lonely death without anyone knowing.

Summer, would be a good time to make a come back. Push myself to the limit. Might as well give my all instead of doing mediocrely. I hope.
Need a jump-start.

*summer camp* Ben

Have I or I have...?

2006-11-07T05:01:00.000+10:30

Today is just one of those days that I feel I have the worst luck in the world. I received a bad news. I do not wish to talk about it. I want to sort it out.
I thought to myself. Am I a failure?
Have I failed as a son? Have I failed as a brother? Have I failed as a student? Have I failed as a friend? Have I failed as a person?
Or I have failed as any of these?

To add salt to wound, I went for a car wash earlier today. While I was wiping my car dry, I realise I have lots of scratches on my car bonnet. It's not normal scratches and I figured perhaps the brush had some rough sand on it when I started cleaning my car. Unlucky? Sigh, things probably will look worse in the morning.

5am here and I still can't sleep. Is it the coffee I had from McDs or is it something else? I never have to deal with the issue of "Unable to sleep" because when ever I am not in a mood, I just lay down on my bed. But...not this time.
I need to get some rest so I can go...deal with this bad news...

*restless* Ben

Get to Know Yourself Better

2006-11-01T01:20:00.000+10:30

The title says it all...

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

And the REAL you:

Here is the analysis:

1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

2. You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5. Your girlfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your girlfriend, are thinking.

Hmm, interesting...not too sure about the fifth one.

Oh well, who cares

Ben

Waaahhh Laaaaaaaaa

2006-10-27T15:08:00.000+09:30

I know this is lame but I have to this. LOL. It's funny how girls can spark a change in your life. I was deciding on what to have for lunch today, so I decided to ask around and someone suggested SUBWAY. I have not eaten SUBWAY for ages, ever since...I can't remember. So, I decided to get...SUBWAY for lunch! (I used to eat SUBWAY a lot back when I really take care of myself, LOL)

Ignore the backdrop of this picture. LOL. $11 for a meal in subway. I bought a foot long Italian Herbs and Cheese with Cheese Steaks. Yumm!!! A cookie + a drink 8).

6 inch in my tummy, another 6 inch to go!!! ROAR!!!

What a good way to end a big feast, cookie anyone?!

Thanks, for enduring this lame post. I shall not do anymore advertisement for SUBWAY.

*satiated* Ben

I'm Back!!! ... to Soccer!

2006-10-23T00:48:00.000+09:30

I played soccer today!
It was really embarassing, I played worse than the first time I touched the ball when I was a kid. My reflex was slow, my movement was slow, everything was shyt. But still I manage to score a goal. LOL.

And I watched a soccer match too! Man Utd vs Liverfools. And YES! Utd WON! 2 - 0!!!
Anyways good to be back. Hopefully I will be better next time I play.

And check out my short hair!!! For those who didn't know, I have been wearing a longer hair style for quite a while. Need some time to get used to >_<

Aight, that's it for me this time. More to come hopefully!!!

*need a hug* Ben

Dark room

2006-10-20T14:40:00.000+09:30

I saw a small beam of light on the floor of this dark room.
I looked up and noticed a small crack at the ceiling of this dark room.
I see...I see a glimpse of hope.
I see a chance to get out of this dark room.
This small crack will be a chance for me to escape and leave this dark room.
But, I think I still need someone from the outside of the room to help me increase the size of the crack...
So...help me >_<
Leave this dark room!!!

End of the Road?

2006-08-29T02:42:00.000+09:30

As the saying goes, all good things will come to an end.
Is it about time I call it quits and start a new path? It has come to my attention that my effort on this digital object will go to waste no matter what step or path I take next.
"Say, name me any of your real life friends that are on the same path as you do?"
"What? You have none? Then why are you still on this path?"

It is true, it is very time consuming. But it has been a very part of my life.

A friend told me to take a break, and have a thought about it, how will it affect my life.
A long lost good friend been asking me to stop and have a change.

So tell me, what should I do?

confused Ben

+3ar dr0p

2006-08-22T03:14:00.000+09:30

For the 1st time in as many years, I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't hold back, I couldn't control it. I was too down.

Ben

Miscalculate...

2006-08-18T18:25:00.000+09:30

Sigh, I felt like shyt...yet again I failed to hand in my assignment on time, which worth 15%. I misjudged the time I need to complete it, so farking gee gee. And I thought it was due end of the week, Sunday instead of Friday. "thought" "assume" screwed me...am I forever stuck with this problem? I spent all my time on the assignment for the past few days but yet...I guess I need to start ASAP next time. Not really into anything lately, farking depression FTL.

ben

Graduation!!!

2006-08-02T16:21:00.000+09:30

Yes yes, graduation. But not me. Just dropping a simple post to congrats my fellow friends who graduated today (Yesterday). All the best and good luck.

Going to miss you guys, well for those who are leaving.

Lotsa love, Ben

1st Day...

2006-06-20T00:39:00.000+09:30

Exams..
First day of exams...started badly. Choked right before the exams, head was spinning badly during the paper and all in all, did not really prepare well for the paper. That sums up the whole semester.
Fingers crossed, I will probably get a CP for this one, or else you-know-what grade.

Irony...
Received an e-mail from my uncle earlier yesterday night. Says
"Just to let you know Girl gets MU Law. All her hard work of studying paid off."
"Boy, good luck in your exam."

Such a simple e-mail, but it holds lots of meaning in it. The more I think about it, the more it hurts me. It hurts me so much that...I feel like I don't deserve what I have at the moment...

So I decided to chat with my cousin sister = Girl. Congratulated her. And asked her why Law? Was quite surprised actually. Says she is interested. I guess interest plays a very important role in our daily life especially in what ever we do. Interest in studies means will excel in studies? I believe so. We had a normal conversation and talked about how's life, studies etc...and starts talking about how I should enjoy my life as a student etc etc...it's really ironic really, my cousin sister giving me all the advice. She said something, which is sad but true, goes something like this "It's sad that you have taken the road that you are not suppose to". It's half the truth really. I want to do this but it has taken too long for my liking. 1 more year really, not long a distance but still some time away, that's if I pass everything this semester. Next stop, second paper on Thursday. This one shouldn't be a problem. Friday one would be a bit troublesome. Will see how it goes. Time to prep for them.

Pic of the day
Look girlish? Hmm?

Better now?

Signing off,
Disappointed Ben

Prep....for Exams

2006-06-15T23:29:00.000+09:30

Updates
I am yet to start any materials and yet my 1st paper is getting nearer with each passing time. Rougly 3-4 days left for me to prepare for my exams. I have exams on the 19th, 22nd, 23rd and finally the last one on the 29th. Again this semester I did terribly on my assessment and this really worries me. One of my subjects requires me to get at least 75% for my final in order to pass it. Sigh, it's make or break.

I went to Uni earlier today after having lunch with my group members. It was just to celebrate one of the members birthday. How ironic it is when I found out that I am the oldest in the group but yet, I don't act like one. I guess age can't judge the maturity of a person. Anyways, I manage to get some work done in Uni, printed out notes and past year papers. Umm, some progress perhaps?

World Cup
It's the 7th day of the competition (I think) and the 1st set of games have completed (Group A already started 2nd set of games). So far, Argentina and Italy have been impressive. Not too sure about Czech since I did not watch the entire game (I could say USA is just crappy). A bit disappointed with the Japanese team, although Australia did well to make an impressive come back. Looking forward to the 2nd set of games, I will most probably pick a number of games to watch cause I need to study remember?

On the side
I stopped raiding this week and hopefully that it continues till the end of exams. I had a couple of weird dreams lately...and I hope I will be able to find time to talk about it on my blog in future.

Something to share...
In life, there are always UPs and DOWNs...so when you are DOWN, think of something that makes you feel good about yourself. Think about the old man that you helped cross the road earlier during the day, how grateful is he to a young man/lady like you. Think about the small change that you drop into the donation box in McDs (not sure if McDs really donate it or keep it for themself)
Keep yourself on track...on the road when you feel like pulling over, just think again on what circumstances you should pull over...when you feel like giving up, think again. Why should you? Then think what lies behind the goal...the finishing line....
Easier said then done...

Short term goal
3 Ps 1 CP, Credit is a bonus.

Last but not least
Photos!!! Who doesn't like them?

Unsure?

Craving for a kiss?

Sigh...I need someone to snap me a decent photo of myself...PST
Anyways, all the best and good luck to all who are having/had their exams (and most importantly myself too!!!)

好好学习！
Ben

Failure...is not an option

2006-05-14T03:24:00.000+09:30

It has come to the point...
So close to the finishing line
Yet so far from the goal...
Same shyt, different time
Dejavu? Cliche? You bet

I received a lecture/advice from a friend not too long ago...which kinda gave me mirror image of what is happening in my life at the moment. Care to know what is going?
I have put myself into a position where I can no longer set my priorities right...again.
Everytime I get the same words coming from everyone "Set your priorities right, Studies > All" and yet, my brain just can't accept that command. Obviously something is wrong with me.
In the beginning of the year, I thought this year would be a great year for me. I had a great feeling about this year and it just came to me that way. But as time passes by, I realise that I was deceived all this time. (Been saying the same shyt again and again, is this just part of life or is it my fault that it is repeating itself like an endless loop) Somebody out there needs to smack me on the head and wake me up.
I am stoping here for tonight, my Cold isn't getting any better. I almost choked to death because was coughing heavily. If only...I choked...to...

sick and tired ben

What the...

2006-04-22T15:15:00.000+09:30

So I was sitting in the cafeteria with a couple of friends, chating about what we did during the Easter break. This guy told me he went to Melbourne for a soccer competition and I was like damn, if only I knew about it, I could have joined him. Then this other friend of mine said he went to Sydney to meet up with his friends, cool cool. And what did I do? I was stuck at home all the time, work and play. The break didn't go as planned as I wanted to do some studies to catch up with the stuffs I missed in the first term. Then one of my friends asked "How is your girlfriend? You don't seem to talk about her much". I was like LOL. "Speak of the devil, there is your girlfriend at the cafeteria door, seem to be looking for ya" goes my friend. "Really? OMG...I don't think she is suppose to know that I am here". So I turned around and saw her walking towards me and as you could have guessed, she looked pissed. But when she arrived at the table, she said "Hello" and waved to my friends. So I asked her "What's up hon?" And she was like "What's up?", and as typical as it looks like in a drama/tv series, she grabed the glass of water on the table and the next thing I know, I am all wet, on my face (>.<). She left the cafeteria and basically everyone witnessed the whole thing was either shocked or was trying to control themselves from laughing. A friend of mine asked "Dude, what did you do to her?", I said "I have no farking idea!" and he suggessted that I go after her. I left, heading back to my place...

Back at my place...
The door was unlocked, and I went straight into our room, there she is, packing her stuffs. "What the hell just happened?" I said. "Why don't you ask yourself what happened? or why is this happening?" she said. She continued "You don't even spend time with me anymore and I am not sure if you still love me or not. It's either you hanging out with your friends in Uni or you spending your time in WoW, all the time. And and...we don't even go to bed at the same time anymore. You stayed up late at night just for a stupid game. I...just don't feel your love anymore". There she was, on the floor crying...What have I done? To be continued...

ben

Bubble blew...oops...

2006-04-15T21:32:00.000+09:30

I woke up this morning, switched on my laptop and guess what? I received a message on MSN from a long lost friend. And the first thing he said "Bubble burst la, not blew..." I was like "Oops...". Damn, what is wrong with my English? Then I said to him "Well, look what happens to my English when you don't come online often anymore" To be honest, he is one of those friends who actually corrects me if I do anything wrong. Isn't that what friends are for? So I was like "Hei, what the hell, maybe I should post something on my blog about this". I know...I know, like every other post, I always said that it has been a while since I last posted. As a matter of fact, the last time I posted was end of January, so that's like 3 months ago? And yea, I am kinda dissappointed that I did not even post anything on my Mum's trip here. Sigh. I will probably be posting on the trip and some photos of the trip on the coming post, hopefully (if I do not get distracted).

Yes, Easter break at the moment, and the first week of the term break is almost over. I have another week and I am yet to start catching up on stuffs that I miss during the six weeks in University. Hence the nick I had on my MSN, "bubble blew", I mean "bubble burst". There are so many things to catch up on, that I don't even know where to start and if I don't do anything soon, I am going to be in trouble. The work load is increasing as time passes by, and here I am doing nothing about it. I really need... something to change me, something to happen that will make me say "that's it, I can't take this any longer, I have to do something..." I want the bubble to burst!!!

Ok, this will be a short one because I don't want to get distracted while posting an entry. I'm off for a bit...

Cheers,
ben

Here comes dawgy dog

2006-01-28T12:29:00.000+10:30

On the eve of Chinese New Year or Lunar Festival, everyone in the family will gather up and have dinner together. Well, not just a normal dinner among your very own family but you have your entire family tree. Then like always, everyone will catch up on each other since it would be like a year since everyone last met each other (if your relatives are from a far away land). So on this special night, not everyone is lucky enough to sit right beside a family member and have dinner together, and I am one of them. Well, I'm not bitching about it, just that someone mentioned about it and I was thinking about it. Anyways, this is like my second time not having this family dinner thing, so yea, it is cool with me. No big deal.
So this year, is the year of the dog. And I'm saying this from my own point of view and some reading, they say those ppl who are born in this year are faithful and loyal, like a dog. So for instance if you have a lover who was is born in the year of dog, then yea, I am sure he/she will be pretty loyal but they(people born in the year of dog) are pretty stubborn, selfish and eccentric -.- so there you go. That's a short characteristic/personality on people born in the year of dog.

I know it has been a while since I updated my blog, and the sad thing is there is no entry about the new year, year 2006. I have been kinda got hooked with World of Warcraft and I have all my priorities in a wrong order. But yea, with the turn of the year, I have a good feeling that 2006 is going to be a good year for me. Well, I have no idea why but I just feel good about this year. A good friend told me that if my blog is not updated, it means that I have no life cause there is nothing to write about. I would say yes and no. Because some people blog to write stuffs on their daily life and such but for me I do it because I need to keep my head off something else. So I guess this is pretty much the reason why I have this post up eventhough it has nothing to do with what is bothering my head at the moment.

I will be expecting a visit from my mum this coming week, next Tuesday to be exact. So next week I will be spending most of my time with my mum and I will have a break from work for a week. And talk about work, I think most probably I will quit the job as soon as I hit year 3 and I am planning to get some job experience in the IT industry. After almost a year on this kitchen job, I realised that I don't enjoy it anymore, it is not fun. I think doing something fun is one of the things that encourages me to do something and lucky for me, I find coding is fun but not the studying part 8(. So I don't know, I need to find some way to motivate myself and do well since my GPA is kinda sucky at the moment. I promise myself to get an average of Distinction this semester, will try my best to do that. All I need to do is juggle my time, soccer, studies, work and time spend with the computer. So that is like four stuffs so it is not too bad. I think that is pretty much it for this post, I will post another if I still can't keep myself distracted from i-want-away 'thing'. Thanks again.

Ben

One step closer...

2005-12-24T02:04:00.000+10:30

Yes, I know, it has been a while since I last updated my blog. My apologise to all who had been coming back to the blog and found nothing but old entries. Actually there was this idea of inviting a good buddy of mine to write some entry in my blog, he said "I think it is a good idea since you already have a fan base" and I was like "What fan base?". But up until now, I still have not seen a sign of him hinting that he wants to actually post an entry on my blog. Oh well, so be it. Okay, so let me update on what has been happening in my life recently. Well, I just had a look at my blog a while ago and I found out that actually the last time I posted was about a month ago, right after I had my last paper. So yea, my results are out, I passed and my expectation was passing all my subjects, I got a credit for 1 of my paper so that was a bonus.
Next semester will be my second semester of my second year, and then I will be in my third year and then I will finish my degree. Yea, I am one step closer to getting a degree now. Finally, I am seeing some results. But most of the time, things do not look as promising as they seem. Seriously I want to get over with this and be able to free myself so that I can cut the tie between me and my parents, as in not depending on them financially. I can't take it anymore as money is always the main subject. So most of you guys thought, wow, he's studying overseas, he must be from a rich family. Hell no, I wish I am from a rich family. My mum always remind me not to waste the hard earned money and sometimes I thought to myself, why the hell would I even bother to spend this much of money to come abroad to study. Why not just leave me be after high school? Let me live my own life. No, we can't do that, we must always give or provide our best to our children...says who...

My brother...
Results for PMR are out. My brother told me before the exams that he is goin to get 7As, yea right, as if he is going to get 7As with his attitude or way of studying. Be realistic man. So results were out, he told me he got 4As 3Bs 1D. But of course I didn't say to him that I expected him not to get 7As, that would be like being my dad. So I asked him where did he go wrong, which subjects he got B and how come his freaking Chinese paper got a D. Obviously my parents are really disappointed with him, after all, they spent so much money on tuition to make sure that he do well in his PMR. Well, the results pretty much tell the whole story. Either the tuition teachers suck or my brother is not paying attention to his studies at all. To be fair, I think I will let my brother decide what is the reason behind his failure to get 7As. Then there is this one part, but I will just leave it out...not something I would want to write about.

Back to it...
Okay, a bit off topic there. I guess what ever we do, we need to do it one step at a time. So once you finish that step, then you are a step closer to accomplishing your goal. Well, life isn't that complicated, is it? Nah, I would say it is easier said than done. Arh, suddenly my brain went blank, no idea what to write =b, bah, I will continue tomorrow, Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, just in case I don't post another entry =b

ben

Cold Summer

2005-11-26T23:25:00.000+10:30

It's not been the most exciting start for the summer this year. Hot blazing sun and dry atmosphere accompanied by wet rain and cold wind, plus my exams haven't been promising. My exam timetable was pretty cool, all three fell on Saturdays, so I had like 1 week in between to prepare. But sadly, it did not happen for me. I took my time too long, and the preparation was like, shyt. I guess I took things for granted. Why o why I never learn from my mistake. So is history going to repeat itself again? Oh goat, please no. And I just found out that 2 subjects that I am taking this semester is a pre-requisite for subjects in the coming semester, goodness me. Just hope and pray that I will pass this semester. I'm getting tired of having to go thru this over and over again. Yea, I admit, I am not those studious kind. I may look smart but maybe too smart for my own good, pfft. Today I finished my last paper, it is a 3 hour paper with 8 questions and the best part is, it is an open book examination, means I am allowed to bring any written document/text into the exam hall which is of course, helpful. So there I was, sitting on the table, flicking thru the exam papers during reading time and determining which question to do first. Reading time is up, and the first thought came to my head, how easy this exam could have been if I am fully prepared for it. So I get to work and started with the easiest question and ironically I got stuck. Isn't life full of irony? I was so confident that I could complete the question in a matter of minutes, but sadly, no. Didn't happen, but finally got it done and wasted some precious time, and it goes on and on, as I do question after question and then the invigilator announced that there's 30 minutes left. I didn't panic, because I was fully aware of that since I can hear the clock ticking right in front of me. I was still trying to work out the answers for some questions that I thought I might be able to get some marks. In the end, to no avail, I couldn't complete my paper. I left the exam hall with the feeling that I knew I could have done better but it is too late now. After completing the exams, I finally realise, how dreadful and pathetic this semester had been. I have to admit, a little miracle is needed to save my screwed up semester. Depending on my results, perhaps I should really sit down and think, whether I should continue studying or not because I have to admit, I haven't been a responsible student and son. Results will be out in a week or two, and in the mean time, I only can sit and wait or perhaps pray as well.

Thought of the day

I was wondering, back then when I was a kid, how the hell did I study? I don't remember putting too much effort into studies and yet still be able to be among the cream of the crop, sigh. Perhaps time has changed, and I am at a different level. I remember back in pre-U, when I did CPU in Taylor's, we have like quizes and homework. Those stuff really help a lot, so I wonder, what did I learn for the past 10 years plus when I was in primary and secondary school? What is the Art of Learning? Where the hell is my self-discipline? I think I am at the stage where I will be able to come up with these answers.

Continue...

So, summer holidays are here, and to be honest, I was looking forward to this one because it will be my longest break for almost a year, well minus the fact that I was actually holidaying during the semester. But now, with how things stand, I don't think this would be the summer that I hoped for, this cold cold summer.

bennie

Food for thought

2005-11-03T11:39:00.000+10:30

This entry will be short and simple. I came up with this statement/quote, what ever you want to call it, and sort of paraphrased it, just in case someone trying to say I am a copy-cat, yea, I took it from somewhere, sort of, but it is just a thought that I had longing to express, here goes;
"If friendship was biscuits, I don't have to worry that I'll get hungry in the middle of the night"

Anyone know what that means? Please kindly drop a comment or two, much appreciated, thanks.

Dark Times
After back to back defeats to Middlesborough and Lille, one can't help feeling that United is no longer the once exceptional team they used to be. Despite having a good start earlier in the season, well, you can call it a good start for a team that is hardly a threat up front, hardly string passes together and some what vulnerable at the back, United's weakness is starting to show, lack of depth because of injuries (dejavu?) and the list goes on. I got this quote from Soccernet.com, says;
"It was awful from United. Hesitant in defence, sloppy in midfield and static up front. Troubled times indeed."

Very well said. Can't help feeling how United fans will deal with this slump, oh, and don't just say "just look forward to the next game", cause the next game is not something to look forward to. Next game; Chelsea. We will see whether United can bounce back. Enough said.

Ben

Screwed Up Semester

2005-10-27T14:50:00.000+09:30

*sigh* Another semester coming to an end, and this semester is no different either besides me being in another campus. It has been lots of Ups and Downs, well, I think more stuffs on the Down side. Haven't been consistently attending for lectures, missed a couple of assignments which is a big No No and yet here I am, still waiting and waiting and doing nothing when the final exams are just around the corner. I have a few assignments due before the exams, one of them worth a whooping 35% of my grade which I have to design a book cover, then another one which I have to complete by Monday with my partner (almost done with that one), one due tomorrow, which I have not have a look at yet *sigh* and the last one due next Friday. So all together 4 assignments and I have to admit this semester the assignments are killing me plus my lazyness. Perhaps I am cursed? I do not know but ever since I injured my head, there's this constant pain at the back of my head and at times it is pretty distracting. I am not sure whether I can get thru this semester without a scratch, everything seems pretty tough. At times, I really don't understand what the hell am I doing at all, I just sit in front of the PC and just stare at the screen (my buddy calls it "dilly dally") There is this one question up in my head, where do people get the determination to study study study most of the time as what a student should be doing. I need that answer quick or else I am going to be stucked as a student for the rest of my life. Last semester I had already noticed the lapse in concentration and determination to do well in my studies, as a result, my grades wasn't that good. This semester most probably be hopeless, but I guess it is never too late to pick it up. But how? How to pull myself together? Ironically there has not been any major happenings this semester, so no distractions at all, just that head incident. Perhaps that was the turning point. A friend told me that perhaps I'm getting bored with life in Australia, that's why I'm not doing well at the moment.*sigh* Just feeling lazy. I'm even too lazy to update the blog frequently, hopeless.

In realisation
Lately, I realise something, something that is not so good news for me. I realise that I have a problem with my eye-sight. I know, it's not a big deal but to me I always hope that I will have a perfect eye-sight, why? So I can realise my childhood dream as a pilot. But that's just a dream. Another thing I realise is that I'm losing confidence every second. Everyone who knows me sort of said what happen to the person I was last time, full of confidence.*sigh* I don't feel the same way as I do, or maybe I have to realise that I have been declining like forever. Have you ever had people telling you that you are smart but you think you are not? Or perhaps you just look smart but actually you are not? Questions but no answers.

Naggings...
My mum always reminds me that she's waiting for me to graduate. She always says that she can't wait for me to graduate. She always says that I should quickly graduate so that she can quit her job. She always says that she is getting sick of her job and she is getting old. She always says the same sentences as mentioned when I call back home and have a chat with her. And everytime before she hungs up, she will say "You know you can do it because you are smart" and yet everytime she says that she is getting old, I would never thought of her being old when I look at the family photo I have in my room.

see what I mean when I say she doesn't look old? =b
and she gave me this teddy bear so that it will remind me to graduate as soon as possible -.- pfft

Ben

Girls, women, they are all the same...

2005-10-05T23:42:00.000+09:30

Can't believe I am really writing this. It has been a while since I last make an entry in my blogspot, as always. This is week 9 of Uni, another couple of weeks I will have my finals, pfft. Went for classes yesterday, kinda weird, after the break, when I hardly do anything useful. Today, I skipped my classes, why? Boring. Hopefully I will be able to catch up during the tute session tomorrow. Well, lets see what happened today. I woke up quite early and decided not to go for classes, so I continued sleeping and ended up waking in the afternoon, about 1pm, how pathetic. Then I watched the last chapters of Gundam SEED Destiny, as always, I find all the japanese animes' ending kinda anti-climax, it does not represent the whole series as a whole, maybe it is on purpose, something for us fans to think about after the series ended, pfft, as if. Ahaha, I know, I know, I am off topic, almost forgot about the title of the blog today =b. So, before I get to that topic, I would just want to talk about today. So after watching anime, got a call from my friend asking me to play soccer, so I say OK. So, here I am, blogging, after I had my dinner and shower.

Starts here...
So it begins, why talk about this today? Oh, I wanted to talk about this quite a bit, long long time ago. Just so happens that something just clicked today and I have to talk about it =b. I went to my work place (the restaurant) to get my dinner. Like usual, I would go to the kitchen and greet everyone, as if =b and yea, went to my favourite spot to check out who's working there, and there she is, standing at the counter. I sort of knew she was working today, erm, actually because went I drove by the restaurant I kinda saw a some what similar figure in the restaurant, pfft, luckily it's not the boss's wife =b. Anyways, I head downstairs and say "Hello" and she "Hie" me back. Oh wait, no, she saw me upstairs before that, checking her out, and she smiled at me and I smiled back at her. I reckon that girls/women, they know it when people are checking them out, I think it is like their sixth sense or something. There was this time the boss's wife (she works downstairs, kitchen is upstairs) noticed that I was standing at my favourite spot (sort of like a balcony, you have the whole view of the restaurant except for the part under the kicthen)and she said "Don't you have anything else to do in the kitchen? Checking out 'gal' (better not mention who) is it?" I was like "Yea, nothing much to do up here, might as well enjoy the view *laughs*" and I think the boss's wife said something to her and that 'gal' looked up and smiled. So I think she knows all this while that someone is watching from above, guess who? =b Anyways I wana quote something that I saw from a comedy show, this comedian, he said "I love women too much to get married..if you love women and you get married, you only just love woman.." well, that is so so true, but try to put that "married" word into something more suitable, erm, something like "attached" maybe?
But of course, I'm not saying that it's good to be like that, in the end, at the moment, I think guys like me, all we wanted is companionship or something more? pfft..so I say, girls and women they are all the same, they are there for the companionship. Woh, wait a second, I treat any other female just like an equal to myself, so don't get me wrong. So, I don't see myself going out with the gal I talked about just now, no no, not "attached" to her. I can see myself chating with her, maybe a little bit of flirting going on, you know what I mean? Nothing more than that, not like holding hands, sharing each other personal thoughts/problems/etc, no, not like that. I am too insecure to get steady into a relationship. So yea, is that why I am so so solo? Another good example, I like to hang out with my friend's gf, erm, if he is reading this, I hope he doesn't misunderstand, but anyways, yea..but of course, nothing more than that, it is just fun having her around. But mind you, not every girl that I met gave me the same feeling. Some are just so annoying and you don't feel really comfortable when hanging out with them, some just makes you feel that the moment will never end, that says a lot about that gal. Arh, so tired talking/writing about gals, makes me feel exhausted =b
I guess that's about it for today, pardon me if there is/are some mistake/s in the entry. Before I take leave, I present you my latest photos =b enjoy!

my hair always look funny after a haircut -.- so tell me, when can you find a cheerful Ben?

Ben

Moments...

2005-09-25T02:07:00.000+09:30

There are so many moments in life...so many of them that you hardly remember most of them, isn't that right? Well, wait a second, moments = memories? Hmm.Sigh, I'm lost. Erm, actually I wanted to talk about depression, erm, no, sadness, erm, whatever that is negative actually. I just feel sad after I found out that MU lost 2-1 at home to Blackburn Rovers. Quite sad actually. I have high hopes that the club will do well this season and to drop points like that and especially at home, I have nothing much to say. Sometimes I do question the ability of the manager to pick the squad for the game but who I am to do that? Then, this leads to another point I am trying to make in today's blog. Trigger effect. Sometimes, or most of the time, things happen in a "trigger effect" way. It's already the second week of the break, classes will be starting soon and I haven't done a single meaningful thing, besides soccer. Sometimes I wonder how life be so pathetic? Or life is so unfair? The thing you want most is the hardest to get, sounds familiar? But I think I can't be complaining too much because I think life has been kind for me, well, to a certain extend. So, back to the "trigger effect". There was this one time, my boss asked me "Ben, it's break already, not going anywhere? Look around you, your friends are hanging out with girls during the break and what are you doing? Staying at home alone in your room" Pathetic, sad but true =(. Then a friend asked, "Having break right? No target?" adding salt to the wound =(. As I mentioned on the previous entry, I believe I don't have time for 'socialising'. Even my dad asked me on the phone a while ago, "Not going anywhere during the break?" I was kinda shocked, my dad asked me that question, normally he would go like "Are you doing your revision?" sigh, how ironic. "Trigger effect" one bad thing comes along another bad thing. My mum told me that she couldn't get cheap tickets for me to go back end of the year. Bad news? Sort of. If I don't go back, what the hell can I do over here? Rot? Sigh, such is life.

Moments in Life
One day I was in the car, on my back home from work, then something just reminds me of some stuffs happened in the past. I remember I used to drive to college back at home, wake up like 6 in the morning, sometime my mum wakes me up, I so miss that time, miss my mum so much, feels like yesterday, when I was just 17-18 years old. I also remember sometimes I wake my parents up, as they have to prepare to go to work. Then I will have my shower and grab my stuffs and head to college with my Beetle. Sometimes I even give rides to my friends, who just live around the corner. Ah, the good old days. Back then, my dad is seldom at home and I just run riot. Come to think of it, I think my mum had a hard time back then, I wasn't thinking at all =( I am being a bad boy. I go out early in the morning, then come back late at night, it's like home is just a place for me to sleep. Oh yea, I miss that Honda Civic too =(. Drived to college a few times. Just few like I own the street when I drive that car =b me and some moments with the car, I think my mum likes the car a lot too. She gone throught a lot with the car, thick and thin. Sent flowers with car, go to work with the car and the car broke down a number of times, sometimes the air-conditioner turns out to be a heater instead. And my papa, hmm, looked so old already. I saw his photos when he was younger, looked so different. Sigh, time just flies, even you ponder for just a moment. Is about time my dad retire, soon. I don't feel like he should still be working, he who walk from such path, should be enjoying himself already. Sometimes I feel it is my fault, that I always let my parents down =(. So the pressure is on, I bet he is counting the days till I graduate.
A picture I took before I left for Adelaide this year. Everyone looks happy? You bet =).

Dis-me

2005-09-05T22:46:00.000+09:30

I wonder where do people get the motivation to update their blog almost everyday. For me, I am having a hard time doing that. But I promise myself to try to blog before I sleep everyday. Today I went for classes after a long week break, medical break that is. I knocked on my head remember? (check previous post) Anyways, I decided to go for classes since I can't bear with the fact that I do nothing at home. Alright, let's update on stuffs that happened yesterday and today.

Champion
I was involved in a soccer competition on Sunday, which started from 9 am in finished at 5pm. My team played a total of 6 games, 4 games in the group stage, semi-final and the final. My whole body is aching now because haven't really stressed my body this much, eventhough the games are only 30 minutes long and the fact that I wasn't totally involved in the entire game (mostly 10-20 minutes for each game). Each of us got a champion's medal and the winner of the competition earned themself a hamper which I don't really care about. I was really happy that I'm able to play with such a great team (a number of good players but not all). During the group stages, the games weren't that tough. Most of the job were done by the midfields and forwards (attacking half, I'm part of the midfield =b) so the guys playing at the back were pretty comfortable and the goalkeeper hardly touched the ball. Then the cramps start to crack in. That's where I start to worry that I wouldn't be able to carry on. Then we had a lunch break before the fourth game which is pretty long, I even refereed a match =b. Then come the semi-final and final match where we won on penalties, our goalkeeped made a magnificent save that totally surprised the person who took it cause the ball was heading the top left corner of the goal. Well, that's that.

Disappointed
What more can I say when I received my assignment back today? Totally disappointed. I have no idea that my tutor would be so strict on his marking but oh well, I suppose I can learn a lot from this. I didn't know that art is about precision, I thought it's how one express oneself. In this assignment, I have to draw Homer Simpson, yes, Homer Simpson. I only got a P1+ and the assignment is worth 15% -.- sigh. I have to do better in the next assignment which requires me to draw glass bottles which is not as simple as you think.

Studies
So I guess it's back to business again. Study!!! Someone told me, "You should enjoy yourself when you are studying, studying in Uni is the time when you enjoy yourself because once you enter the working world, the commitment..." sigh, how do you enjoy studying? Questions to be answered again. Hopefully I can get answer when I dream tonight. -end-

Petite Me

2005-09-03T16:02:00.000+09:30

How absent minded...I did not even post for my 21st birthday -.- Next week will be Week 7 already and I'm still taking my own sweet time to get used to the study environment. Not that I'm doing really badly, so far so good, I think. I'm currently on medical leave, want to know why? Because I got injured while playing indoor soccer, knocked me poor head on the wall, had like 5 stitches (previously I did mention that I have about 10 but actually not, went to the doctor today and found out that I only had 5 >.<) Hmm, my post seems to be a little jumbled up, but head back to 17th of August.

My 21st Birthday
As you can see from the pic, the location is not really exquisite =b This picture is taken at a good friend's place. Well, it doesn't really matter does it? Anyways, we had a buffet dinner in Glenelg. We took the tram from the city to the beach(Glenelg). On the way back to the city, the tram stopped at one of the stations because it seems that the power supply has been cut. But after about 20-30 minutes(I think), the power supply is back on and off we head back to the city. Drove to my friend's place and yea, have my birthday cake there -.- erm...it was nice and simple, just like I hoped for as I'm not a fan of celebrating birthdays. At least it wasn't as surprising as the one my buddy had when I was back in Malaysia, that is one hell of a birthday that I will remember =b.

My head
Yes Yes. That's me alright. Me with a bandage around my head. Don't I look cute? Haha. Hmm, well there is nothing much I can say about it since I already mentioned it above. I couldn't really recall how my head got bumped into the wall. A guy from the opposition team came to me and asked whether he pushed me, I said "I have no idea" but oh well, I suppose I'm just unlucky. To be more details, I remember blood was all over the floor and I felt a suddent numbness after my head made contact with the wall. Kinda scary, the first thought in my head was like "Shyt, am I goin to be a vege? I knocked my head hard" After that some stranger sent me to a local hospital and I was attended by a female doctor after I gave my details to the counter at the emergency area. A nurse gave me the stitches and it took quite a while, so I thought must be at least 10 stitches since I have a separate cut -.- and I found out today that I only have 5. What big difference. Maybe the doctor missed out a stitch or two. Had the stitches taken out and the doctor said the wound is still open and advised me to rest. REST? I'm planning to play soccer tomorrow!!! -.-

Flow
Go with the flow? I need to get a snow cap to cover up my head -.- because it will be damn ugly since a patch of my hair is missing and the wound is visible. I don't wana scare anyone away -.- Anyways, I wanted to post on a new member of my gaming collection, yup, I finally got myself a Playstation Portable aka PSP . I don't have any photos of the new baby yet and my room is in a mess, so I can't exactly find a good spot to take a picture of it. Maybe I will do it in my next entry. I will end this with a "thought of the day". I just checked out a few blogspots and something just came to my head. How to be a successful person in life? Do you want to be successful? I have always been following the flow. What flow? What happen shall happen? I envy people who are successful, and sometimes I wonder, are they any better than me? or worse? Questions to be answered. Hopefully I can find these answers as soon as possible because tide wait for no man. End

be-lated post

2005-08-07T13:15:00.000+09:30

It's been a while since I last posted, again. Just got back to Adelaide last Sunday and I'm coming to my 3rd week of university already. Scary. Imagine how time flies? And I'm getting a year older soon but not that I really cared. Ok, just for the sake of putting in an entry, I have written something on my way back to Adelaide, that is on my flight back here. Here goes:

Three freaking weeks have passed, and here I am, ready to board the plane to Singapore. So, I am on my way back to Australia, my so called “home”. But the last few days changed my perspective of this “home” thing. I actually found some comfort hanging out with this group of wackos. Maybe this was what I was looking for, for the past few months. And now I have to leave this comfort feeling to a place I call home. Sigh…if only…life is full of Ifs, full of irony. In my head, I can’t help wonder, is it possible for me to find this comfort again when I’m back in Australia. For the past three weeks, my daily routine has gone haywire. I don’t spend so much time with the PC. I have been hanging out with friends, playing futsal, shopping, etc. I was wondering, were these all I wanted to do? Or is there something else missing?

Bugger…every time I enter the departure gate early, the flight would be delayed. Somehow it’s like a déjà vu or a cliché. I looked around me. Some people made phone calls to their home ones, telling that there would be a delay. An ‘ang moh’ was pointing at his watch and talking to the ground staff with discontent. I got on to the plane, seating by the aisle, an Indian guy is sitting on the same row by the window. Oh yea, have to mention this, saw a stewardess who looked like a girl whom I met a few days ago. Anyways, the plane was getting ready to take off and I felt so excited, but not because I’m leaving for

Australia

. Time for a break, safety video time. “Please watch the safety video even if you have seen it before” Ok, done with the video. Pretty…enlightening. Now, the best part of flying, taking off. I have to admit that I get pretty excited during the taking off part, “cabin crew to your station please” says the captain. Had a short nap and was served some beverages and went to the washroom to check out my handsome face. “due to the bad weather, passengers are advised to be remain seated and have their seat belt on” says the pilot. On my way back to my seat, wow, the walk was really awful. It’s like I’m floating as the plane bounces up and down due to the turbulence. I can’t freaking walk properly. When I finally got back to my seat, I noticed that the Indian guy has gone missing, he switched seat across the aisle. Hmm, flight is pretty empty tonight. Fantastic, another delay. Seems like the Singaporeans misplaced their head for once, why the heck they close the airport for a freaking parade rehearsal. Goodness… 7.48pm, the captain announced that we are going to arrive 10-15 minutes pass eight, hopefully it wouldn’t take them that long to re-open the airport. 11.55pm, on the plane en-route to Adelaide, spent almost 3 hours in Changi. Luckily there’s free internet booth all over the place. So, I think this is really goodbye to

Malaysia

, six and a half hours and I’ll be at down under.

Might sound a little crappy but oh well, feel free to leave a comment.

Home sweet home

2005-07-13T00:58:00.000+09:30

Arrived on Sunday, officially second day back in KL, Msia. Suppose to blog when I arrived, but somehow, as usual, other stuffs came up. Jet lag, as usual, slept like a pig. On Monday, I accompanied my dad to fix my Beetle, poor thing. Dented and some scratches =( so sad, no one takes care of my baby when I'm not around. Anyways, we spent basically the whole day at the workshop and in the evening I had dinner with my family. "Bak Kut Teh" FTW, LOL. But wasn't that good though. But oh well, it's good to be finally able to eat some of the food that I really missed. Then later at night, I went out with a group of guys to a mamak store. Had chats, catch up with each other, crapping all along, bla bla bla. Then one the guys said, "Hei, I'm playing futsal tonight, then I was like, cool. To make it short, I decided to join him and his group of friends. Didn't really play as good as I wished, but oh well, I did enjoy myself. Then, Tueday. Nothing special, spent some time with my mum and after that I came back home and took a nap. Weather is killing me, just imagine when I left Adelaide, it was freaking cold, around 4-5 degrees Celcius and then I'm back here, with the temperature averaged to 30 -_-; omfg. And as always, I was planning to write more but somehow I decided that this entry should be enough for the day. I was planning to write about my experience on the plane, at the airport, on my back here...bla bla bla...but no, decided not to... =b

Such is Life...

2005-07-04T00:55:00.000+09:30

It is always nice to have sum1 to remind u to update the blog every now and then...hence, I am writing this blog now...the problem is, it's not tat Im lazy to write, just that, everytime when I feel like writing, it all spilled in a different form, like, a simple chat wif a random person at the supermarket, or a simple smile at a random person...just makes the stuffs in me head go away. Sometimes u wonder, things like tis wade away so simply but not all the time. Sometimes it bugs u so much, u just feel like killing urself. Well, on a few occasion, it happened to me. There is so much things out there tat I dun understand, n ppl fear things tat they dun understand but I dun, I dun even bother. I just wana get on wif my life, not to be distracted by events around me. Hence, the isolation. Surprisingly, I felt like writing 2nite, just a number of things tat I have to make it clear. It might be a shocker but some how, I lost interest in something lately, or shud I say recently. Something which is so dear to us teenagers or young adult and some who are prepared to die for it. Well, I will not mention wat this 'thing' is..but perhaps, my readers wud hav guessed wat it is. Im tired of this 'thing' and somehow couldnt take any more of it. Perhaps....perhaps is time to take another long break from 'it', but some ppl wud say it is plain stupid. Alrite, take a break from this whining...

Results are out since a few weeks ago...not too bad, as expected since there is not much expectation on me to do extremely well...happy but not quite when I look at me mates did so well. *hint hint for next semester* Still im stuck here, suppose to be back in Msia now. Was looking forward to go back after my results came out but still, yet to receive news from University about my situation which is kinda pissing me off...I miss the food, the atmosphere, my frens n most importantly, my family....

bah...now Im stuck again, ran out of words. There is this issue about how I overcome loneliness -_-, I met tis interesting lass and somehow, tis lass kept askin me why am I not lonely -_-, I was totally speechless. Guys at our age, or mebe put it nicer, young man, spent too much time on other stuffs bsides goin out wif gals. In my opinion, tis is truly natural. Say, for myself, for the past 7-8 months, I have been spending most of my time in my "virtual world". At other times, I go for classes, study *cough*, work n play soccer. So sum1 must be wondering, wher the hell is the time for gals...I say, NO, no time for gals >.< or sometimes I say, erm, who's interested in a guy like me? haha...tat answer just put off the next few questions. Then, comes the next issue, will u hav time for other stuffs when u r goin out wif a gal? I say, the gal has to compromise -_- well, relationship is about compromise, if there's no such thing, relationship = dead, agree? hmm, I think I will get thrown wif tomatoes and stinky eggs =b. K K, let's see wat are my priorities at the moment, 1. Study? *cough* 2. Soccer 3. Work 4. "virtual world" hmm...only 4? o ok, 5th one shud be gals..but hei, even the Study part seems out of place, so wat r the odds of me havin the 5th priority? Sigh, such is LIFE. So relationship is a NO-GO at the moment.(I guess every1 noes wat the 'thing' is now =b) but alas, life is so unpredictable, the next thing u will notice me holdin hands wif a blondy on the street in Adelaide. *Woohoo, as if*

o well, I guess that's enuf 4 2day, su-mi-ma-sen, ja!

ben-zy

Crucial Times AHEAD!

2005-04-19T00:33:00.000+09:30

1st of all, not goin to give out details on why I haven't been bloggin for ages...just put it in the way that I found some ppl to talk to, ppl that I can share my thoughts with...

This semester, things haven't gone the way that I wud wan them to be...been slacking...the timing been so shyty, I wud do anything just to have more time...FFS!!!
This semester, is the most important part of my life, it will determine whether I will get to 2nd year of uni or else, I'm done for...I wasted too much time, money, effort n already disappointed every1 who put so much hope on me.
Now that I'm not sure I can get to the tempo I had last semester, when I just flew pass all the subjects...I'm really worried that I will flunk this semester. Such high standards have been set last semester, I doubt I will repeat such feat. Well, it's not about confidence or wat so ever, for once, I know shyt happens when it is crucial, so so important to me... =(

Had a chat wif my Dad, and he did mention about this as well, why the hell things seem to go bad when I need to do well...sigh...I don't even have that answer for him.
I'm trying to put this in my head "Life ain't suck if u dun make it", says 1 of my frens back in college, which is quite true, but I can't help thinking...life just sucks, sometimes I feel so tired...tired of life. A fren just said, "Young man, dun be tired of life" I suppose the sentence continues "...there are great things ahead"

Solution? I suppose I have to my keep mind focus, I need to spend more time on my studies now, don't think there's any other way...time to pick up the pace...

Life...is so fragile, I think some people shud just appreciate their life a lil bit more, instead of whinning all the time, complaining about this n that (me =b)
Saw this nick on my MSN list, says "Live life to the fullest" which I can't agree more.
Somehow, I just feel life is so short...and again, I think I did mention this in my previous blog...but oh well, I wana try to enjoy it while I can n without forgeting my priorities.
Food for thought?

I think that's about it for me 2nite...cheers Lil_Ben

1st, 2nd, 3rd day of classes & here comes 2nd week of the semester

2005-03-08T22:24:00.000+10:30

Sigh, what a start for the new semester, totally stressed out. Most probably too worried about what's gona happen at the end of the semester. Sigh, I'm "sigh"-ing so much.

Well, of to the topic of the day; Last week was the 1st week of classes, it was alrite, it was like "a small kid who went into a shop full of lollies" (erm, not quite sure whether u readers will get wat I mean, but just drop by a comment or a tag, I will give u a hint =b) n then goes the 2nd n the 3rd day which is pretty much alrite n I soon find out tat this semester I have to work extra hard in order to maintain tat standard set by my ex.

Anyhow, speak about my ex, which I think I shud say, a taboo? Hmm, not sure whether I used the wrong word here, might be a bit offensive but anyways, yea, met up with her yesterday and passed her back her stuffs(not return the stuffs that she gave me, alrite? just stuffs tat she dropped at my place b4 she left).

I tot I got over her, but after I met her yesterday, my mood was really on the swing. Well, I wouldn't give away the details here but yea, I suppose every1 would have guessed.
So, as I write this blog, I felt much better now after I set my mind on something else, I suppose there is nothing much I can do about the relationship, everything was way to 'cold' n I don't even think I have a 2nd chance wif her. Unless...
Well, if it comes, it will come, or else, just die hoping...

Actually, I intended to write more at the beginning of the day, but now it seems all dried out...so I think I will just stop here. 1 more thing, just drop me a tag or a comment, so tat I know ppl really do come n read my blog, or else, I might just stop writing? =b

lil_ben

Answering a Call

2005-03-01T21:07:00.000+10:30

Phew...Been ages since I last posted, got my mind slipped off a lil bit for the past 1 month, wif finals, then there was Chinese New Year, then work. This year, well, I celebrated CNY away from home, not exactly celebrated it though but yea, I had dinner wif my boss and my colleagues wich is kinda fun. The fact that it is the 1st time I have a "family dinner" outside so I suppose that's something new. But as always, CNY hasn't been the most interesting for ppl like my age. Well, mebe it's only just me. If I'm not mistaken I did mention in my previous blog that the feeling and atmosphere of celebrating CNY is not there anymore, back when I was a child, I was always so looking forward to CNY but now, nah. Never happen.

Another lonely Valentine's Day, hahaha, like always =b but it's good. Spent some quality time alone, hahaha. Oh yea, almost forgot, got my results like ages ago, well not too bad, not suprised and most importantly never felt any difference from b4, passed all my subjects and hehe, averaged of a distinction =b but yea, as I said, nothing special.

Finally, new semester, new hope. But I'm still in search of life's goal. Wat is ur goal in life? Sometimes makes me wonder, what is the purpose of ur existence? (Too much Naruto =b)
Well, that's a question for every1 to think about. That's it for 2nite.

Lilben

tag board tag board

2005-01-12T21:22:00.000+10:30

arh, a tagboard, muahaha, finally I have a tagboard in my blog, woohoo, so pls do leave me a msg, any msg will do =) and oh yea, for those who want to be linked, just let me noe yea?
today i wud wana dedicate tis song to myself, haha, check the lyrics out;

This Love by Maroon 5

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart
This love has taken it's toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again
This love has taken it's toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

oh well, post-'in a relationship' that's how it is =b haha, sigh, presentation tomorrow, maybe have to sleep early tonite, tired again, as usual, well I guess that's about it for today, if something came up, I might write something, hehe

cheers, Ben

year 2005, year of the rooster

2005-01-11T02:20:00.000+10:30

Aha, year 2005, hmm, it wasn't really a good start of the new year, especially since thousands of ppl died bcoz of tsunami days b4 the new year. As the count keeps increasing, some of us should just feel grateful tat we r still hanging on to ourselves. As each new year brings fresh hope, everyone definitely hopes for a better year than the previous one. Myself, I had a lil setback, got back to being single a few days ago. Oh well, life goes on. Now, I have to stay focus and make sure I do well in my finals at the end of the month, which is pretty close.

Hmm, seems a bit blank suddenly, must be pretty tired now, Zzz, anyways, it's been hot hot hot for the past few days, had soccer on Sunday, arh, the love of my life, haha, felt so nice.
This is pretty short, but I think I have to go, tired, really really need to sleep. Must have ran out of ideas on what to write, well, I think I know, but I will continue tomorrow, hopefully =b hehe, oh well, g9, ja!

lil_Ben

The End or the New Beginning of a Chapter?

2004-11-25T07:57:00.000+10:30

Yesterday I felt strange. Is it because she went back to HK?Hmm =( miss her so much eh...sometimes I just have weird things going about in my head and it is too hard to handle. I suppose I really have to start planning my studies or else I would not be able to reach my goal. I just asked this friend of mine, is it possible for me to get into AU again, hmm, hopefully I will be able to but really really have to work hard. But =( "work hard", I have not been doing that for a long time, I suppose I have to do it step by step eh, do not want to disappoint those close ones to me =/. Sometimes the future ahead is so unpredictable, even I am worried what is going to happen the next second, recently I saw an interesting quote which I am not quite sure what the exact words are, but I will go look for it again and post it in the next blog.

Week 6, and everything seems slow paced, should I increase the pace and go on my own?I doubt I will do that, but I think an excellent student will definitely do that, am I one? On my back home from class, I thought to myself, actually what is my problem, lazy? stupid? or what? Haha, come to think about it, I find it quite dumb to think myself as a stupid person. So perhaps "lazy" suits me more. So how do I solve this problem? A goal has been set, it is a matter of doing it or not and some actions have to be taken soon, spend more time at the library? Hmm, I might consider about that.

Sometimes I have doubts on myself, seems so useless like a maggot(baby insect, without legs, only a piece of white, translucent body that wiggles about doing nothing) maggot or faggot? LOL that is mean. So can I do well this time and prove people wrong that Ben is only just a maggot?or maybe be a grasshopper that always leap as high to reach higher grounds? That is up to me.
Well, it is almost 8am now, ready to go for class. Yesterday got a SMS and call from someone far far away "/, extremely happy and surprised. I suppose I would not be able to sleep if that person did not do that. Really miss her so much. As always, you will cherish someone more when he/she is not by your side. Erm, I think that's about it for today.

cheers,
Ben

Lived In Hell

2004-11-16T01:44:00.000+10:30

In 15 hours time, my Dad will be on his way back to Malaysia! Phew...after 6 tough days is similar to 144 hours, those times are really really tough, feels like living in hell(no offense Dad, if I were you, I would take tat as a compliment =9) Just imagine, I, freaking, hardly spend time with my dad for the last few years and here he is, 6 freaking days in Adelaide, OMFG. For god sake, it was one terrible and intolerable experience, definitely my patience was tested. I know this is bad, shudn't be saying this but to hell with it, I really can't stand it anymore. Oh well, as I said, things will be back to normal after the amount of hours mentioned above. (I really hate the snoring, wonder how my Mum can stand it, tsk...)

Geez...I think I have been together with ' ' for almost 2 months, everything seems to be in order, and ' ' is goin back soon, on the 24th (yea...yea...still have to remind myself about tat) , the worst part is, I would not be seeing her till next Feb, which is another 3 months... =( Sad...well, let's change the topic. I'm having a small test this coming Wednesday, worth 10%. Hopefully I will b able to get full marks, then I can request a special present from ' ' ("/ hehe, this would be fun, I suppose some1 would know what I will ask for =9 hehe...notty Ben.
I think tat's about it for 2nite, hmm, it's been more than a month since I last wrote, wonder what I was so busy with...hmm *scratching head* anyways, tis week is week 5, having 2 weeks break soon, durin Xmas till New Year, so hopefully it would be hell of fun, but definitely I will miss ' '. Will miss ' ' so much =(

cheers
Ben

Swing Up & Down

2004-10-11T01:35:00.000+09:30

Still staying up despite being a bit tired today, just got had my shower & got off the phone. Had an interesting conversation with Dad & Mum.
Anyways, today's mood was a bit like on a swing, was happy at the moment but then was a bit moody later. Got my pay today(Sunday) my first $100 earned from my own sweat, ahahaha. Started working on Tuesday(no pay, =/ ), then the following days, Wed, Thurs, Fri were only half pays, considering I'm still only training, but today(Sunday) I went solo, ahahaha, not too bad I suppose. Well, looking forward to the following weeks as classes will start and I have to work at the same time, and most importantly, accompany my 'u know who' =9. Hehe.
Miss miss ' ' >_< so much. Anyways went over to ' ' place for dinner. 1st time tried ' ' cooking. Quite nice =) haha. Was really really happy and I suppose I had a great time! (Big smiles)
oh well, talk about bad luck, today is really an unlucky day, played WC3 with friends(AT = Arrange Team) lost 5 games in the row, I suppose maybe I wasn't really concentrating and was tired, so it is my bad, (Sorry guys!Won't happen again next time =(, promise!) Dropped so much in the ladder, a few tenths in the rank, sad, so sad. I suppose that's life.
Hmm, that's all for now. Tired, sleep (-_-) ZzZz

OCT-o-Puuurrsss

2004-10-05T02:22:00.000+09:30

2nd day of the week, but still feels like the 1st day of the week, the most hated day of the entire week, as it is a public holiday over here on Monday, yesterday, Labour Day. Perhaps the fact that classes will begin soon, not so soon, but soon. Time really flies, it don't even bother to chill for a moment, the fact that there is no time for slacking makes us humans quite vulnerable as we spend half of our life sleeping. But the problem is, humans require rest, equivalent to sleep. From my experience, the less hours u sleep, the higher the probability of u getting sick. But then, if u r given 2 choices, sleep longer hours or sleep less, or mebe it is bcoz of the period of time u go to sleep. So I wonder, which one makes sense?
So why sleep less when u will get sick?or why sleep so much when time just passes by while we were sleeping?or do we have to get back to the drawing board and start planning some time tables?But then, what's the point of time tables if we don't follow them?Hmm, so many questions to be answered, isnt it a waste of time as well?
Time time time, maybe I shud do some research on time, seems interesting though, since I hav so much free time. Oh well, I guess that's about it for 2day's babbling.

front page: Dad's coming to pay u a VISIT!!!
Horrified?Stressed?Nervous?Well, u name it, I got it. Perhaps this was the most terrifying news for me when my Mum said it over the phone. OMG, OMG, how can this be?Maybe I shud look at the bright side if he really is coming over here.
Arh!!!Damn it!What have I done, till I deserve this?
Sighs...look on the bright side. Oh, I am not 'available' anymore, ahahaha. Finally, after a year or so, a dreaful 1 I assume, I got it. Can't help thinking what's the future is like, the path ahead of 'us'. Phew!!! *wipe off sweat on the forehead*
That was easy, I think tat's a big news to break, hehe.I think that's all for today.
PS: Realise the trend that I only write once a month, and only updates on particular things, but I have a feelin that there wud b more to come from me, cheers!

Windy Night

2004-09-07T01:31:00.000+09:30

The yellow neon light shines infront of me as I stood infront of my laptop with the table lamp switched on. It's been quite interesting for the past few weeks.(That's after my birthday). I find it quite soothing when I have the table lamp switched on as I used to go online till late with my room's light off. Never have I felt this comfortable or is it that something just happened and sub-consciously I'm just happy. Well, enough of this mello-drama, tonight, the wind is blowing quite strongly, I can hear the wind whistling and the window frame was making that crackling sound(I wonder how old is this house). Anyways, as I mentioned in the previous post, I will be starting my course in October which is basically another 1 month before things really get exciting.
Good news! My visa was approved and I got the label a few days ago. Now that things are pretty much steady, I might as well look forward till the semester begins.
Oh yea, I received a phone call from someone who I very least expected and to be honest, I was really glad to receive that phone call(Havent been receiving phone calls for ages) >.<. Hopefully if things work out, I will be once again unavailable =9 hehe. There's this carnival this week called the Adelaide Show, still undecided whether I should go as the carnival was quite similar to the one they had last year.
Last moment of the day(been wanting to write this), A friend is gone but will never be forgotten. To say that you only cherish those people when they are no longer within ur presence is very true. It happens all the time. Sadly for me, I have a good friend who needs to return to his homeland after a good long year being each other's companion. As things don't always work out, the only thing to do is don't look back, look forward for good things to come. As old folks say "Good things will happen to good people", which I find it, quite true. So, this is for you my friend, failing here, doesn't mean that you will fail somewhere else, maybe it is a turning point for good fortune, God bless. Cheers, Ben

Happy 20th Birthday!

2004-08-18T02:00:00.000+09:30

I woke up that morning. Looked at my watch, it says 11am, 17/08. Then I was like, shyt, I'm 20 years old today. Damn, time flies and I'm 20. But I feel disappointed, I dun feel any changes. U know ppl say that there is a lot of difference when u get from 10th to 20th, if u know what I mean. It's like some big deal or some sort. This year's birthday is a bit special by my standard. Celebrated with a bunch of wackos at my place, had steambot. Simple and nice. Very very glad that I get to know these guys. Very indeed.
Eventhough things haven't been working out for me this year which I screwed up big time. Really is the worst thing ever to happen to me in life. Perhaps, there is more to come. As the saying goes "Thou shalt not fear...." I know I can put up with this little obstacles, I have to.
Now that I have to switch Uni, which is really sad, I have to waste an extra year in order to complete my degree(Note that I have switch to pure Computer Science now, no more Business) I envy those friends who are doing well in life. I wished I had cherished the moment and appreciated the chance given to me back then but now, it is too late. Shudn't be looking back to what happened. "Learn from mistakes" that's the best advice an adult can give.
Oh well, I guess that's about it from me today. Hopefully I will be writing lot's of this stuffs as I won't be starting classes till October, till then, I might be rotting at home. Hopefully I will get a job or start doing some revision. Cheers, Ben

Winter Break

2004-06-30T03:21:00.000+09:30

Ah..the winter break is here. After a disastrous semester(yet again!), perhaps is time to look back at what happened for the pass few months. Time really flies. As a matter of fact, the last time I wrote a blog was about 2 months ago. To have 4 papers for the final exam in a week is ridiculous and most of us have to do that. Really don't understand the reason behind the way these timetables are set. Ah..goin to 2nd year next semester, hopefully. But still I'm having a bit laggin behind, just hope that I pass all my subjects this semester and I promise myself to do superbly well next semester. It seems there's no point for me to be worried bout my results because what's done is done and I can't change it anymore. How could I be enjoying myself when my results is goin to be bad? O well..I just keep my fingers crossed and hoped for the best, cause the more I think about it, the more de-moralising it gets. Can't imagine myself doin the same subject for the third time..that is total bull-shit and ridiculous. Somebody out there just hit me..and tell me what to do.
As the hols are here, might as well have fun while it last. Planning to go melbourne, but things are still under consideration.
I guess that's pretty much for tonight.
Cheers!

Moody

2004-04-13T11:49:00.000+09:30

Arh...the term break has started and I'm sitting here in front of the lap top. Things haven't been good for me for the past week. It's like someone been playin a joke on me.Aih...isnt tat life?Oh yea...is that why they say life is like a roller coaster?Haha...well I guess I should look at the bright side eh?Soccer been coming pretty good.My club won 5-0 in the 1st game of the season, isnt tat cool?And the best part is Im playing at the wings again and I find it hard to get use to it.Hmm...kinda stuck here at the moment.A lot things been happening lately and Im tryin my best to get over it,as soon as possible.I guess that's about it.Ppl in Canada,all the best in ur finals.Take it easy and b too stressful.Cheers!

3rd Week in Oz

2004-03-04T22:41:00.000+10:30

*thought of the day*

Today is the last day of 1st week in Uni. Saw a lot of new faces and tis brings a great deal of opportunity to make frens. For the past 3 weeks, things have been pretty slow and boring, almost got sick yesterday. Luckily, I was smart enough to make a move which I skip lectures and tutes the whole day(u call tat smart?)and rested at home. Well, I rather skip a day's class then skippin the whole week eh?(which happened last year when I got sick for the whole week)

Been kinda moody since a week ago. No idea what's the reason behind that but I'm glad it is all behind me now.
I'm looking forward to the next few weeks as things getting real serious. Time to study!!! Muahahaha...
Anyways, been chating a lot lately, and well...discovered some interesting stuff(undisclosed)
Hmm...kinda stuck here...oh yea...to my readers out there, all of u shud get ur ass over ere in Australia especially guys coz during summer...u wun believe ur own eyes...hahahaha...u know wat I mean?

I tink tat's about it for me at the moment. Thanks for reading.

Cheers

Back in Australia

2004-02-16T02:56:00.000+10:30

*thought of the day*

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night because of a sudden chill and I realise that the air conditioner is switched on. It's been very hot the pass 2 days, bout 40 degrees at least. But tonite is windy, so I wondered why my housemate switched on the air conditioner.
Then I can't sleep and decided to go online to write this blog =)

The pass 3 months I realise how it feels like to be back at home after spendin 8 months away from home. I kind of missed home, miss my frens especially closer ones. It would be totally bullshit if I were not miss anytin from my home country.
It's been a wonderful time during my break, except for my 1st month back in Msia(keeping silent) spent a lot of time with few people. Played soccer, futsal, watched movie, went shopping etc etc. It's been a real nice time spent and I'm one grateful and happy person to have such friends.
But the saddest thing wud be the moment to leave my frens to return to Australia again...well, tat's life isnt it?

Havent been doin much the pass 2 days, brought my fren n her mum around Adelaide...the temperature is too blady hot!!!Grrr...too bad I came back to early.
I think tat's about it from me today, got to sleep and get my timetable the next morning. I will be lookin forward to add more blogs in future as Australia is an inspiring place to write =p(wat nonsense!)

Cheers

Chinese New Year

2004-01-23T00:45:00.000+10:30

*thought of the day*

on the 1st day of Chinese New Year, things are rather different this year. Is it only me or everyone is goin thru the same thing, celebrating Chinese New Year ain't like the previous years. As I got older, the atmosphere gets duller. So wat is the reason behing this?

I remember when I was younger, well, 5-10 years back? I used to be looking forward in celebrating CNY. The lure of the "ang pau" red packets, fire works, playin with cousins & etc. Well, tat was way back long ago and now I'm all grown up and this kind of things don't really attract my attention. Since few years back, CNY is like go visiting friends house, stay out late at night, drinking with friends, spend time with girl friend, gambling and etc which is rather understandable because of the circumstances.

But the thing is do I miss the good old times? Well, in life, we always have to move on, ppl change thru time. The good old memories will always b with me but as I said I hav to move on.

Chinese New Year is a good opportunity to spend time with family when forgive and forget happens ;) which I'm very glad.
Hmm...Got a lil stuck here. I think tat's about it.

Wishing all my readers a happy and properous Chinese New Year. All the best in ur every endeavour. Cheers!

Life is...

2004-01-20T02:34:00.000+10:30

*thought of the day*

Have u ever thought what is to become to u tomorrow?

The future is always in a bleak sight(to me) as any decision made at present will not always bring the exact result that I wanted(not even close). Come to think about it, maybe our life is like a character in a book. What ever the outcome, decision making is already been decided by the author of the book. But I don't really believe in destiny or whatever it is called.

Yes! Maybe life is all about decision making. Every decision counts as ur future depends on it. "Ur future is in ur hands"as they say.
So far I'm quite glad that I made a few good decisions. Along the way, I made some very bad decisions too.

But my decisions had always been affected by one "thing" which is rather uncomfortable for my parents, "Enjoy life!". I think most of them out there would really disagree with me on this.

after almost 2 decades,(leave out the 1st & a 1/2 decade, as I was only still a child) I found that life is so short. It is uneasy for me to find out that people die at such a young age from 20-40 years old. So I was thinking, what if something happens to me the following day?(touch wood!!!) or mayb I'm diagnosed for sickness which is uncurable. Well, I'm very grateful that so far I haven't been diagnosed by any near death sickness(touch wood again!!!Crap!) but I always hav this doubtful feeling.

So I have this "thing" in me that asked me to enjoy life if possible. Not that I'm suggesting that I shud b having fun 24-7. That is crap. I feel that people who spent so much time on work, shud b doin sumtin they enjoy most, at least or it is goin to be too late when they found out that they missed the chance to do so. For me, studies still come 1st but I wun b studyin like other people, study like mad cows, grazing the fields non stop. Why not find a time, take this chance/opportunity to spend time doin what u love most or mayb with loved ones...that is life. All work n no play = no life. Do something memorable, which will forever b u with until the next life/after death.

Like Forest Gump said"Mama says life is like a box of chocolates" which I don't really know what it means =p

Every now n then, I would try to do things that only can be done durin our younger age, try everything if possible especially at our age. Mayb my parents hav thought about this when they were younger but mayb they dun hav the opportunity to do so. If given an opportunity, take it. "U never know, Lightining might Strike" (taken from Meet Joe Black)
That's all for now. Cheers!

Age Gap

2004-01-16T04:17:00.000+10:30

bL: What is wrong with the older generation nowadays? Can't they understand how we, teenagers feel?

fR: Chill man. Just be cool. Let them say what they want. Maybe there is a lil mix up with communication between u n ur parents. Take it slow. Be cool!

bL: Yea, mayb ur rite!

*thought of the day*

As u approach the age of 20 n began to think, ur parents were once in ur position, most probably goin thru the same experience as u did/do n it is pretty obvious(dumb of me to say this) that they hav the rights to decide the dos n donts which is rather annoyin as u get older. But again why dun they just leave their children alone n let them figure out the good & bad/dos & donts thing. I believe that tis will help the child a lot rather than being controlled by the parents.

For the past 4-5 years, I realised the problem might b the age gap. But sum ppl say it is bcoz of miscommunication. So I was thinking how do I link both of them together. The one thing which is pretty obvious is the way the parents n child interpret each others conversation. The misinterpretation is caused by the age gap as both party(both parents n child) come from different generation.

As for starters, parents have the tendency to speak as slow as possible so that the child will listen n understand every single word they say but the problem is, kids nowadays have very active minds n to them as this words get into their brain, processed at a slower speed and as more words come in n as this goes on & on, only certain words take place in the memory bank till it happens, BOOM, they got fed up n take it as nagging(a famed word among teenagers nowadays). On the other hand, when kids speak to their parents, they tend to keep it short n simple as they expect their parents to be smart enough to interpret what their trying to say and in the end brings to a conclusion, misinterpretation.

Have u every thought what wud it be like if ur parents belong to the same generation as u r?Ever wonder why ur brother/sister, or ur uncle/aunt(younger bro/sis of ur parents) understands u more than ur parents?

As I grew older, I found out tat I couldn't take even a 1 minute talk from my parents n the 1st thing tat came up to my mind at the moment, NAGG!!! But I did found out tat after a few moments it might sounded like a nagg in the beginning but it ends up to be a very good advice from my parents. So nowadays all I do is listen listen listen n I only speak up when something really goes wrong(it always happen =p)

So my advice to everyone out there, "be cool" when u hear words coming out from ur parents mouth, "stay cool" as u will understand how important are the words coming out from ur parents mouth and "chill" when things get a lil heated up =p Cheers!^-^ thanks for reading again.

2004-01-14T19:42:00.000+10:30

bL: Today I felt strange, strange as in everything in my brain seem wana blow. Mayb it is about time to share my 'stuffs' with others. Perhaps this is a right decision. I have been keeping everthing to myself ever since I was left alone in the dark, n tat was like, ages ago? Never did it came across my mind tat by tellin others n letting others to listen to ur 'stuffs' will help to ease my burden, until someone close approached me, but still I'm very reluctant to tell others. I rather have things in my own hand, solve it in my own way.

dR: Mayb it is time for you to change your way of thinking. Sooner or later.

bL: Mayb I shud. Thank you dR.

*thought of the day*

when u come to tis age, it is rather unbelievable tat u r turning 20 soon. People always say tat it is best for ur frens to judge u rather u judge urself coz frens are like ur mirrors but i say otherwise. Sometimes in the dark, u suddenly felt strange, u gave a thought of wat happened the pass 12hours, 12 days, 12 months, 12 years?n u find urself alone in the dark, only u can see wat had happened in the pass. Then questions start to come across ur mind n always the familiar question "What if?". I wud say u can only see ur true n real self. What if the way u are in front of ur frens is just mere acting? Isn't it an absolute wrong judgement if u were to ask an opinion from ur fren about urself? But sometimes ur true colour will shine unexpectedly and ur acting will be just an ignorance to others. At this moment I believe that most of us will b grateful that we are given a company, a companion, a fren who we can talk to when it matters most.

so after almost 20 years, what matters most? I would rather say frens. My life has been one big ball filled wif air n the air inside are like my frens. As like the air, u will lose contact with sum of ur frens but u will make new ones. So the big ball will forever remain in size. As for the lost air, mayb sum day...it will be in the big ball again but still air is around u, just like strangers, u never know mayb u will meet up wif an old fren across the sea.

well...that shud be it.Thanks for taking ur time to read tis so called blog and thanks to this webby for givin tis opportunity to me.There wud be more to come soon. Cheers!!! ^-^